My Onion News: NBA Lockout Contributes to Family Togetherness

With baseball having ended and football primarily on the weekend, local area men are emerging from their man-caves and seeing the female counterparts and little people they once knew. In a joint study, social scientists from Harvard, Yale, and Pasadena City College have determined the rare phenomenon's cause to be the disruption of the standard overlapping of sports seasons, due to the overwhelming greed of the NBA owners and the NBA Players Association.

One local area woman was surprised and elated to be taken out to dinner at a local sit-down restaurant, instead of having to watch hoops on TV that evening and endure Bill Walton's inane blathering. Another family discovered a local park equipped with swing sets and a soft, green material called "grass".

In a related study, single females also noted an increase in the willingness of single males to "do something" and/or "hang out" on weeknights, with a slight statistically significant increase in the number of dates experienced by said single females.

Bravo, NBA! Thank you for your unorthodox and unexpected method of saving and creating families!

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